I was depressed so I went to my family Doctor just like the pamphlets said to do when you are feeling down for more than a week. I was feeling very self conscious sitting in the waiting room with a mental problem rather then an obvious physical one.
Once the Doctor was able to see me (appointments didn’t seem to mean much in his office, I was there for a 3:45 and I got in at 4:30) I began to tell him the symptoms I was feeling for the past month. He did his usual non-committal Hmmm’s and I see’s. He finally asked me if I have heard of Clinical Depression, I answered that I had ( just the whole reason for being there ).
The Doc reached into his goodies cupboard and pulled out a box of I-don’t-know-what-was and instructed me to take it twice a day for 6 weeks, then come back and we will see if they worked. I was a bit upset with myself for resorting to psychoactive drugs to treat my depression, but so be it.
The first 3 days I felt nauseous and dizzy, and had this pinging sound in my head. I called the Doctor and his nurse booked me in for one of (his sort of time) appointments. After listening to his hmms and ahs , I explained the side effects I was getting being on this medication. He reached into the candy cupboard and produced this flashy box called PROZAC. This was when it had been in the news a lot recently and thought of The Wonder Drug and equally advertised as the drug to stay away from.
I was full of questions but received questions that quelled my apprehensions about the drug.After being weened off the old med, I started the Prozac. On the label, there was a pretty clear warning about not giving this med to people diagnosed with Bi-polar or Manic Depressive disorders. Up to this time, we were assuming that I was just diagnosed with good old depression.
HAH! were we wrong. I remember the first day on Prozac the whole world lit up. In side or outside. I had to where sunglasses everywhere. As the Symptoms increased My inhibitions dropped. I was strutting around wearing a straw hat, torn tie dyed shirt, blue jean cutoffs and flip flops. (this from the man who summer wear was not wearing a tie.)
I used to hang out in the food courts until ejected for loitering. I almost got arrested for asking for spare cash downtown. I won’t go into the other mischief I got into. Finally the inevitable happens, I CRASHED into a deep depression, so much so I had to be hospitalized. (see The Hospital Visit) This were my first feelings of suicide. I was a train wreck. I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room, dressed like a cast member of ‘Hair’ (only without the hair) uncontrollably crying, just wanting to run away.
Finally an intake nurse came in an admitted me into ‘the other hospital/Sanitarium.