Tag Archives: Depression

Dear World, We Are Not Monsters- Mental Illness, Media, Stigma

we have apples

We can’t keep labeling people who commit heinous acts of violence with the same term used for one in four people in this county with mental health conditions.

How are we labeling these violent, heartless killers with the with the same term (“mental illness”) that is used to describe people like Robin Williams and Kay Redfield Jamison (brilliant psychiatrist and author with bipolar disorder) and the many wonderful, compassionate, kind, thriving members of our community? Continues……

Dear World, We Are Not Monsters- Mental Illness, Media, Stigma

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The Summer of Prozac

dgI was depressed so I went to my family Doctor just like the pamphlets said to do when you are feeling down for more than a week. I was feeling very self conscious sitting in the waiting room with a mental problem rather then an obvious physical one.

Once the Doctor was able to see me (appointments didn’t seem to mean much in his office, I was there for a 3:45 and I got in at 4:30) I began to tell him the symptoms I was feeling for the past month. He did his usual non-committal Hmmm’s and I see’s. He finally asked me if I have heard of Clinical Depression, I answered that I had ( just the whole reason for being there ).

The Doc reached into his goodies cupboard and pulled out a box of I-don’t-know-what-was and instructed me to take it twice a day for 6 weeks, then come back and we will see if they worked. I was a bit upset with myself for resorting to psychoactive drugs to  treat my depression, but so be it.

The first 3 days I felt nauseous and dizzy, and had this pinging sound in my head. I called the Doctor and his nurse booked me in for one of (his sort of time) appointments. After listening to his hmms and ahs , I explained the side effects I was getting being on this medication. He reached into the candy cupboard and produced this flashy box called PROZAC. This was when it had been in the news a lot recently and thought of The Wonder Drug and equally advertised as the drug to stay away from.

I was full of questions but received questions that quelled my apprehensions about the drug.After being weened off the old med, I started the Prozac. On the label, there was a pretty clear warning about not giving this med to people diagnosed with Bi-polar or Manic Depressive disorders. Up to this time, we were assuming that I was just diagnosed with good old depression.

HAH! were we wrong. I remember the first day on Prozac the whole world lit up. In side or outside. I had to where sunglasses everywhere. As the Symptoms increased My inhibitions dropped. I was strutting around wearing a straw hat, torn tie dyed shirt, blue jean cutoffs and flip flops. (this from the man who summer wear was not wearing a tie.)

I used to hang out in the food courts until ejected for loitering. I almost got arrested for asking for spare cash downtown. I won’t go into the other mischief I got into. Finally the inevitable happens, I CRASHED into a deep depression, so much so I had to be hospitalized. (see The Hospital Visit)  This were my first feelings of suicide. I was a train wreck. I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room, dressed like a cast member of  ‘Hair’ (only without the hair) uncontrollably crying, just wanting to run away.

Finally an intake nurse came in an admitted me into ‘the other hospital/Sanitarium.

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Filed under Depression, Medication

Depression and Marrage

DivorceWhen I get depressed, I get very thin-skinned. The whole world is there to bother me. This probably helped  spark the painful feelings during the divorce of my first wife. I felt, at the time, that she was always nagging me. In hindsight  it was me taking everything so personally, that any discussion turned into a huge explosion of emotion.

I think I was depressed throughout the marriage, ( 3 kids, 3 million diaper changes all in less than 3 years).

I wasn’t diagnosed yet back then so I couldn’t comprehend what was going on sometimes. Near the end all I would do was hide in the basement with my computer (commodore 64) and watched TV.

I remember one night she came down and told me she didn’t love me anymore. I was so wrapped up in my cocoon by that point, that what she said barely scratched the surface of my shield I was hiding behind, After that it was the usual lawyer stuff. He said/she said. We haven’t spoken until just recently 20 odd years later. ( thin skin )

It wasn’t until another 5 years after the divorce that I was diagnosed with depression. I was given Prozac, the worst drug you can give a Manic Depressive. The Summer of Prozac, I like to call it was an interesting time and is a whole other story.

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Filed under Family, Grief, Me, Motivation

Not funny

dspreeserI know I make fun of living with mental illness. I guess the stories and disclosers I write on these pages  help me deal with my own illness and disorders. The harsh truth when dealing with this subject is that it is NOT FUNNY.

If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental illness get help. I can’t express that strongly enough.

I have seen the heartbreak of family members of those who have taken their own life. It is so pointless and devastating to others. Depression has 4 outcomes; the good is counselling, medication, and regular exercise, the bad is taking your own life. I have spoken and counselled many people who were on the edge of that dark pit of total despair  ( I volunteered in mental health centre ). The have a plan, written their goodbyes and justifications in a letter and were not expecting to see the light of the next day.

Sometimes all that person needs is someone to talk to, or need a hug and a good cry. Other times the authorities need to be called. I will write about the proper procedure if you find your self in this situation.

The bottom line is that:

 Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

(I have always liked that one)

If you are, even fleetingly, thinking of hurting yourself Get Help!

If you know of, or are talking to, someone who needs help. Get help yourself on how to deal with a suicidal person.

Get them help, whatever it takes.

Someone always Loves you and the last thing they would want to see is you dead.

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Am I Lazy….


Some people see me as lazy and without ambition. (These are the names I put in my little red book for later) Others see me as a faker, I can not see why anyone would wish to go through what I do every day.

I wonder what the world would be like if half the population was struck with mental illness. How would we cope with the  myriad  of different illness. How would the “normal” people cope with the new huge responsibility of care giving.

I figure most of us would be locked away in sanitariums, hospitals , and even jail. Lithium stock prices would go through the roof. Other than just medicating them, how do you deal with millions of depressed, manic, schizophrenic, suicidal, agoraphobic, claustrophobic, and many more I cannot recall at this time. How would you treat them, care for them….

There will be an escalated rate of violence, as all the psychopathic have there say.

The sad truth is we are in that state already. Not half, but a very large percentage live with mental illness every day. Look around you at the poor soul living outside because he doesn’t have the necessary coping skills to find a permanent home. He growls back at people because he is probably depressed and wants to be left alone. Millions of people in this world live with one mental illness or another but society brushes then off as stupid, or just lazy.

There are many who help those with mental illness, but there are not enough.

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Bad Day

bad day sky

One of those days you just want crawl under the coffee table and stay there. I am is known as a rapid-cycler. Instead of going months without a change in mood, it can happen on a daily basis or even hourly. Depends which way the serotonin is flowing day.

Well, back under the table.

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Filed under Bad, Blog, Me, Writing